I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
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My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
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Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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