porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
