You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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