He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Randomize
