I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
