How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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