Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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