She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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