Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
