i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
