You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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