We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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