I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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