So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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