youre lurking in front of me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
