The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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