I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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