went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
