There is no way he is gay with that hair.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
