Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I could fuck to npr.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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