It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
