ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
