apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
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I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
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Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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