just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
