Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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