I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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