erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
