hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
She's better-looking with the mask on.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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