i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
