i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
