you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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