dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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