she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize