Sry I called you an 8
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
