just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
