Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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