I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
