I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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