Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
