apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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