kristin has been a bad kristin
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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