he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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