You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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