I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
