Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
