We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
