and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
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This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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