My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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