Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
