I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
