you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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