Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize