Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
