i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
