He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
