I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
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You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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