Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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