so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
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I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
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Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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