my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
