I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
