i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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